At this point...

I don't know a lot of things at this point....

I don't know whether I should write, paint, make films, take photos, be an academician or be a singer....i don't know how to go about them also...I don't know whether I should follow my own rules and protocols or to give value to those of near and dear ones...

I am tired of feeling guilty and ashamed for no real reason...am tired of myself and my constant need to adjust myself to my surroundings...am tired of simply existing...

I don't know the truth about many things...like all of us...only that I feel it a notch higher than the average others...or maybe I think that way, but it's not it either!

who can tell!

I am studying in an institution where the most incapable professor(?) who doesn't understand what others say and vice versa, comes off boasting that no one will have the right to question his decisions on whose ideas will be approved for degree film-making...how lame is that! Of course, he has nothing better to do in life so he is in this shit institution trying to exercise the little power that he has on deciding people's degree films....fuck degree films! I can do better...I don't mind even if I do nothing...Doing nothing is far better than boast of power with the minimum and the most insignificant of achievements...

I wish I never be in a position of power so as to exercise it in manners that affect and hurt others wrongly....in both external world and in personal life...I should not decide for others and vice versa unless the other party wants to be helped in decision-making...

Mostly I regret being born a woman...for many reasons...although am sure, I would have missed being a woman had I been a man...unlike most men who love the power and position they have in society and don't want to sacrifice those just for the whim of being a woman...(except of course Rituporno et al...) Had I been a man, I think I would have delicately handled the power that I have in society and try to come to terms with the disadvantages of being a man as well...

But mostly I want to lose weight...am sick of the lipids in my body...I want to be swift as a bird...oh soft and swift birdy...Piyu Kahan!

Will blow it all up with Vuvuzela...just can't take it anymore...